Observing Adoption Anniversaries
[A range of points seen in an extended Internet discussion
is summarized.] [(Short intro from article omitted)]
Whether to have an observance
The age of the child at adoption was a factor for several
parents. Several felt that a child adopted at age 5 or 6 probably
should have the anniversary observed in some way, since the original
event would have been known by the child. For a child adopted
as a newborn or infant, attitudes on having anniversary observances
ranged across the scale. Some felt it could make the child feel
"different," some that the child might wonder why there
was no observance. Some said they celebrated because they wanted
to mark becoming a family.
Some parents in whose families there were also non-adopted
children felt it was more even-handed to have no anniversary
observance.
How to observe
Find out what the child's wishes are (if old enough); for
example, a child may not want peer attention called to the fact
that he or she is adopted.
Stay flexible. What the child wants or is comfortable with
now may change. Thus, establishing a too-formalized event could
be a trap. For example, taking the child out of school every
year for a "party day" could backfire later when the
schedule conflicts with another activity of the child, or because
the child feels exposed by the school absence. The child may
also have conflicted feelings, not wanting to hurt the parent(s)'
feelings, but not wanting the particular observance.
Considerations of how close the adoption date is to the child's
birthday or to some major holiday were important for some in
deciding what they would do.
One adoptee said that it made her feel good that her parents
celebrated her adoption anniversary, especially since she felt,
growing up, the majority attitude was that the adoptee is the
one who should feel grateful. - BC